Do you ever get tired of hiding?? I am not sure if I am hiding from myself, others, or perhaps God, but I'm one of those people who just adapt to my surroundings. Now I don't believe that is entirely wrong, however, I have lost myself over the course of my life and it's like I have to get to know myself again! That being said....how do you do that? Unfortuantely I deal with self-esteem issues that probably keep me from loving myself. Loving myself? That seems so bizzare to me.
My first revolution is to reveal who I really am. This means to quit hiding, or "blending". It also means to say how I feel, take care of myself, be myself. That's hard to do when you don't really know yourself. I've become so accustomed to pretending or maybe just coping. Don't get me wrong. I am a very genuine person, but I am so caught up into what people think of me that I just become what I think they want me to be. This doesn't happen with everything, I have my values, morals, beliefs and strong convictions, however, I still have a tendency to conform instead of being unique.
I have noticed lately that I am having less difficulty pulling away from the crowd. I think that I am finally taking my own defined path instead of trying to "please" everyone. Of'course I want what is best for my husband, children, parents, siblings, and so on, but I also know that trying to be a people pleaser is not the way to show love. People pleasing, I think, is more born out of fear. Not sure.
Anyhow, I think that I am ready to cut some of those strings, or probably chains that have been keeping me locked up inside myself. Maybe this is happening because I am just at my end with some situations in my life. But I think that it is important that I make some changes in my life.
I am going to commit to taking care of myself mentally, emotionaly, physically and spiritually. No excuses. I tend to think this is selfish. Like I have to justify it. Even typing it out felt strange to me.
I am going to commit to being myself. This means I am not going to be afraid to state my opinions, share my ideas, stand firm in what I believe.
I am going to commit to loving myself. This will be a hard one and will take some work on my part.
I am going to commit to my spiritual journey with God. This is the most important and should be at the top of this list because it will prepare and lay out my path.
I am going to commit to connecting with my past. It seems like my memories are so dull and cloudy. Almost like a dream. That seems strange to me. Is that how it is for most people??
Well, that is enough for now. I hope everyone had a nice weekend! I can't wait until thanksgiving!