Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Revolution #1

Do you ever get tired of hiding?? I am not sure if I am hiding from myself, others, or perhaps God, but I'm one of those people who just adapt to my surroundings. Now I don't believe that is entirely wrong, however, I have lost myself over the course of my life and it's like I have to get to know myself again! That being said....how do you do that? Unfortuantely I deal with self-esteem issues that probably keep me from loving myself. Loving myself? That seems so bizzare to me.

My first revolution is to reveal who I really am. This means to quit hiding, or "blending". It also means to say how I feel, take care of myself, be myself. That's hard to do when you don't really know yourself. I've become so accustomed to pretending or maybe just coping. Don't get me wrong. I am a very genuine person, but I am so caught up into what people think of me that I just become what I think they want me to be. This doesn't happen with everything, I have my values, morals, beliefs and strong convictions, however, I still have a tendency to conform instead of being unique.

I have noticed lately that I am having less difficulty pulling away from the crowd. I think that I am finally taking my own defined path instead of trying to "please" everyone. Of'course I want what is best for my husband, children, parents, siblings, and so on, but I also know that trying to be a people pleaser is not the way to show love. People pleasing, I think, is more born out of fear. Not sure.
Anyhow, I think that I am ready to cut some of those strings, or probably chains that have been keeping me locked up inside myself. Maybe this is happening because I am just at my end with some situations in my life. But I think that it is important that I make some changes in my life.

I am going to commit to taking care of myself mentally, emotionaly, physically and spiritually. No excuses. I tend to think this is selfish. Like I have to justify it. Even typing it out felt strange to me.

I am going to commit to being myself. This means I am not going to be afraid to state my opinions, share my ideas, stand firm in what I believe.

I am going to commit to loving myself. This will be a hard one and will take some work on my part.

I am going to commit to my spiritual journey with God. This is the most important and should be at the top of this list because it will prepare and lay out my path.

I am going to commit to connecting with my past. It seems like my memories are so dull and cloudy. Almost like a dream. That seems strange to me. Is that how it is for most people??

Well, that is enough for now. I hope everyone had a nice weekend! I can't wait until thanksgiving!


Sass said...

You've been on my mind constantly. And I think you know I'd agree that hiding is the most annoying state of being.

You've got to take time to love yourself. Look at what you're doing. You're amazing, and those of us who know you believe it wholeheartedly. You deserve to know it too.

Keep taking care of yourself, continue on your journey, and know that whatever decisions you make are right, because they're yours.

Get in touch soon, my friend. ;)

Mama2hre said...

I'm glad to hear you no longer want to hide yourself and are making yourself a priority. I know, in the midst of having babies and starting a family, I felt as if I lost "ME". However, I've discovered the truth is I never lost "ME" I just stopped caring for "ME". I was so busy caring for everyone else, worring about everyone else and entertaining everyone else that I just simply forgot about me! After the birth of my daughter, 3 years ago, I decided I had to take care of myself more. I discovered I could still be a great Mom and take care of myself. Slowly I began seeking out old interests and hobbies. I must admit, at first I felt selfish, however, the happier I became, the happier those around me became! I also learned to let things go. One person can only do so much. I can care for my family and my home. I can help my church, my friends and my children's school when needed. However, as I'm doing that I can also say "NO", limit myself and give things to God. For example, if I feel as though I've offended someone, by saying "NO" I used to fret and worry about it. Now, I just give it to God. There is only so much one person can handle. If someone gets bent out of shape over something trivial, well, that just goes with them. I can't change peoples attitudes or judgements against me. In the end God's opinion is the ONLY on that matters. I don't try to be rude or disrespectful. I just do what is right inline with my priorities. God, Me, Hubby,Kids, Family and Friends. I'll be praying for you! Please keep your friends in "blogville" posted. :)

Lee the MWOB Queen said...

Well, hello. This has got to be one of the more interesting posts I have stumbled across in blogland thus far in my semi-short time here. Thanks for stopping by my space and becoming a follower. I may have to start following you as you continue to revolutionize!

Since I have no idea who you are, I will only say that your post was filled with a voice that is honest and insightful and intelligent and you seem quite artistic by the vibe of your blog. So you may be working on coming out of hiding but to a new brain reading your words, you seem quite out in the open.

See ya' around.

Ruby said...

Oh wow!!! I think it's an awesome decision to make. I'm imensely proud of you and will be monitoring your journey...selfdiscovery is one of the most incredible things you can ever experience!

You are in my prayers!

dizzblnd said...

I was wondering where you had been the last few days. It is scary trying to find yourself, but amusing as well.

There are days I feel like hiding too. I don't get on line, GASP I don't answer my phone (what am I NUTS?... well that's beside the point) We all need our me time.

Taking care of yourself is not the least bit selfish. In order to take care of others, you have to come first, after God of course.

It is hard to put your real self out there, but the sooner you do, the easier it will be for you. People may not like it, but oh well.. you have learned that people pleasing is NOT the way to go. If they are TRUE friends, they will stand with you and help you as you make this journey.

I know you can do it! You are stronger than you think!

Kitty Cat said...

Good for you. This is what life is all about - learning to love yourself. At the end of the day, we are born alone and die alone. Sorry, that's not meant to be morbid, just to say that You are Your best friend.

Tamara said...

Way to go! It's so easy to become a cultural chamelion without even noticing it - playing the role that each person needs or wants you to play.

But sometimes saying 'no' is a good test of a relationship. If the person seriously wants you in his or her life, you'll be accpeted even on the occasions when you do say 'no'.